Current obsessions...

Right now, both boys are a bit focused on a few (wonderful) things. It's fun to see what captures their minds and imaginations as various points as they grow. These photos are quite representative of our boys' life right now....

Books, books, books! Why in the world did I ever think that our second son didn't like books!?! Right now, Jack is loving 15 Animals, My Car, Brown Bear, and What Do You Say? In fact, it's hard to get him to sit through a reading of anything else. He completely melts down if we try to read him another title, so we're just perfecting our rendition of those favorites. Thank goodness for great children's book authors!!


Richard Scarry sure is fun to flip, though. :) Big pages, lots of photos, not a lot of words. This one is a current favorite for solo-reading!


Birthdays... Brooks turns 4 (yes, FOUR!) in just over a week, and we're talking a lot about age and birthday celebrations. Looking forward to a quiet family celebration with Uncle Steve who will be visiting from Japan! (this photo is my favorite from Dada's 35th birthday back in Sept. Love these two men!)


Bathrooms!!! How are we already spending so much time in the bathroom with this one?! It's amazing! But he loves the potty, the toilet paper, and especially the bathtub! It's hard to get a modest photo of him "Swimming" in the tub because he's thrashing and splashing every single second. It's truly a wrestling match in the bathtub every night!






Buses, Beefeaters, and Bears named Paddington... All things London have come alive again for our little world traveler after our adventures back in the UK earlier this month. We're so thankful we were able to return to our old neighborhood while a few fuzzy memories remained locked inside. It was great to make some new memories with our dear friends there, too!




Bananas - the photo speaks for me.


Basses! Today, Brooks and Jack and I went to visit Mr. Paul (a friend from our church)'s violin shop. While Brooks knows him as a fantastic bassist, Paul is also a professional violin maker/repairer and opens his shop up for field trips. He let Brooks try out the "Brooksey-sized Bass" (a cello with it's endpin shortened!) and the smallest violin I've ever seen. Brooks was THRILLED!


Just a glimpse... Life is busy and full and usually so fun!! :) I rarely feel rested, but I'm so thankful for these two little men to chase after. Aren't they precious!? :-D

Happy 1st birthday, Jack!

Jack, what a beautiful boy you're becoming! We love you so much, and your giggles and hoots, bear crawl and your cheeky grins all bring us great delight. In honor of your first birthday today, here is a collection of your momma's favorites from this past year.

What a cute baby burrito you were in the hospital!


Your brother loved you from the very beginning...


So did Dada...


Everyone wanted their turn to hold you...


Or to try and make you smile...






Mama likes watching you sleep,


and loves that you have your Dada's big blue eyes and dimply knuckles.


You've already proven yourself to be a great traveler...


And met lots of really wonderful people... (Eric's grandma, Ellen Wheeler


and our niece Sally Joy Fender - who looks like a tiny babydoll in this photo but is actually an appropriately-sized newborn!)


And made good pals with the little guys at Mom's Group... (Jack's in dark green, then clockwise - Elliot, Aidan, Sam, and Cooper... we were missing Caden and Beckett that day to be the complete set of boys!!)


You've celebrated Christmas...


And been to a family wedding...


You've learned to play...


and grab your toes...


and do push ups...


You can sit...


And stand...


And crawl on your hands and knees...


and today you "cruised" for the first time!


You've eaten LOTS of good food! Plastic chicken legs...


and applesauce...


and corn on the cob...


and now, birthday cupcake!


I love you, Jack! And I thank God for you every day!

Tonight's Bedtime Prayers...

Tonight as I was putting Brooks down for the night, we got into a conversation about Jesus and Batman and Curious George. He mentioned bad guys again - he's had a thing about "bad guys" lately, perhaps taking my warnings to stick close to me in crowded, busy places VERY seriously. He announced that bad guys like to come out when it's dark, but that they go away when it's light outside. I told him about Jesus being the Light of the World, and how when we have Jesus in our hearts, we don't have to be afraid, even in the darkness... That Jesus can drive away the darkness and our fears.

Brooks wanted to know who was good, or MORE good - Batman or Jesus? When I explained that no one was good ALL the time, except for God/Jesus, and that that meant that Jesus definitely won that one, he said "is Curious George good?" Boy is this guy literal, or what? All his Curious George books start with "This is George, he's a good little monkey and always very curious. One day..."

After telling him that God was by definition good, that He was the perfect example of all that is good, I sang "Love Him" and tucked him in. As I moved to the door, Brooks announced that Batman visited his room sometimes at night, after we turned the lights off. He wanted me to stay in the room after switching the lights off to see if we could see him. Lo and behold, Brooks announced as soon as it was dark "there he is, Mom!! See!?!" Me? I was still in the dark. (Hmm, when did this obsession with Batman start? Probably at the eye glasses store, where they have a Barbie-doll sized Batman with movable limbs for kids to play with while their glasses are adjusted.)

But I told him as I said my final goodbyes that Jesus is always with us when we ask Him to come near, and that He would be in the room with Brooks tonight, in the dark. He just had to call Him. As I shut the door and listened with my ear to the crack, I heard "Jesus? JEEEE-sus? Are you there??"

May he hear Him answer, and open the door for God to come into his heart at this tender age.

Screech!

Jack screeches. It's true, as much as I might wish it to be otherwise.

When he needs anything, or just wants to get our attention, there is no subtlety with this one - just wide open, LOUD, throat-ripping screaming. It sounds like he's going to strip a gear. Sometimes it seems he'll make these sounds just for fun - a bit of vocal experimentation, I guess. It keeps us on our toes.

Last week, especially, we had some memorable moments of screeching. One day, we were checking out at our local grocery when Jack just opens his mouth and lets a huge one fly. It was one of those abrupt, needle-scratching-a-record moments when everyone in fifteen check-out lanes turned around to stare at us. No, I promise, I'm not abusing him. I just laughed out loud. What else could I do?!

Today I had my camera at the store, and apparently Brooks was remembering our checkout challenges from last week. He did some preemptive corking - the only effective way to mute the sounds...


But you can tell, his physical affection wasn't all abusive.


Brooks really does love his brother, the resident screech owl.

Jack does come by it honestly, I guess. Brooks was nicknamed "the nazgul" by our friend Adam Judd for his similar early, um, "singing"... I wonder if I could get this lovely noise on video...? Would I want to relive this sound at any point!?!

Construction Joy

I just went on a "field trip" with Brooks down our alley. The BIG HUGE digger that unloaded in front of our place last week was knocking down an old house and scooping the remains into a giant red dump truck. It was a little boy's dream.


Several things about this are wonderful... First, it's free entertainment within walking distance all week long. Second, this is the view from our deck. Not too close, which means no dust or noise to speak of inside.



AND, I've met two other families with preschoolers all standing around to watch the action! Maureen and her daughter Leeza and Kristin and her daughter Sophie both stood with us to watch. It was pretty darn exciting, even for the little girls! :)


Oh, and I love all the questions from Brooks... Why is his door open on the digger? How does he make it move? Can I drive that when I'm bigger? Will the dump truck be LOUD when it moves? How come that guy's not wearing his construction helmet?

We got a chance to speak to the digger operator while they were waiting for one of the empty dump trucks to return for another load. When asked about his job, he answered (in an Irish-sounding accent) that it was fun for the first week, he guessed. Haahaa! Brooks didn't get it.

Now, we've come back home to play "construction worker" dress up... I think this is the theme for the day...


Will he kill me for publishing this image when he's older? Maybe. But its priceless! :)

Household Noise

I must say that sometimes the noise level around here is deafening. But tonight, I'm struck by a profound sense of joy to hear Brooks singing VeggieTales' "A Thankful Heart is a Happy Heart" while he plays toys in the living room...

A thankful heart is a happy heart!
I'm glad for what I have,
That's an easy way to start!

For the love that He shares
When He listens to our prayers,
That's why I say thanks every day!


Jack is happily chattering to himself in his highchair while he finishes pulverizing some blueberries - his first full meal of table food successfully completed.


Dada's traveling for work on this Father's Day 2010, and I so wish he were here to enjoy the sweet (loud!) sounds of our little men.

I love you, Eric and I'm glad to be on this parenting journey with you. I love you, Brooks and Jack and am so glad I get to be your Momma!

Puny, but Precious, Little Guy

Tonight, Brooks was running a fever, so I took his temp and gave him some tylenol to help him feel a bit better. After reading two stories and saying prayers, I moved towards the door. He stopped me by asking for a "little snuggle" - how can I refuse that request?! - and for me to sing his current favorite bedtime song, the song by Junior Asparagus "My Day".

As I finally said goodnight, I suggested that maybe we'd have a low-key day at home tomorrow just until he felt a bit better. Brooks responded with

"yeah, that'd be good. I don't want to get my friends sick."

Oh my goodness. What a sweet little man. Even when he's puny.

For your eyes only

After a completely horrible comment was made on one of my youtube videos last night, I've decided to take my blog private.

Yes, I have thought about doing this before now. I've been avoiding this step as long as possible, thinking that my writing and pictures and videos were just being enjoyed by friends and family and as importantly, that I wanted my readers to be able to share my blog with others that knew them (or us). I incorrectly assumed that I was flying under the radar anyway.

So when a sexual reference comment about my son landed with a thud in my inbox last night, I was shocked to say the least. Eric happened to be working late yesterday, and after my boys were tucked into bed, it was dark and quiet and lonely in the house. The words hit me like a blinding flash, a searing burn that couldn't be soothed by the cool and dark comfort of truth I repeated to myself - I am safe, my boys are safe. I was extremely shaken by the feelings of vulnerability and fear that immediately flooded into my world, even though I knew this person could not have found me or my sons. His only weapon was crudely chosen words, representing thoughts that were too dark to repeat. I was terrified for my sons, for their future, for the world that we live in that is home to even one mind such as his.

For that reason, my blog is now private. And my youtube videos are quickly going private as well.

If you're reading this, it's because you're very welcome here - I'm glad you're here. My blog is my most consistent (ha! that's just laughable over the course of this last year!) method of expressing my creativity and it's a treasured way for me to share the goings-on of my family with you all.

If you have friends or family members that you want to share my blog with, just drop me a note, I'm happy to add them - really it's not a bother at all. A great sorrow about taking this blog private is that there is now a hoop to jump through before you can access my stories and pictures. I hope you'll understand it's necessity and visit often.

And please leave a comment. Your comments, especially now, will give me a reason to come back and begin to pour myself back into this little family journal. I want to be excited about my writing again. Until then, I hope you enjoy a *private* glimpse into the last three years of my life...

Photo evidence...

In thinking more and more about what life is like for Brooks now that Jack is here, I remembered this picture.


For several weeks, he enjoyed sitting in the baby carseat... Lately he's been asking if he can "drink Jack's milk" and occasionally trying to climb into the jumperoo... My sweet little boy really does want to fit in, doesn't he?

Hopefully my new perspective will make it a bit easier for him to be three and we can all enjoy who and where we are in life!

My Parenting Revelation!!

Brooks is three years, three months and four days old. That's 1192 days old. My goodness, he's so young! I haven't been remembering this very well lately, and when that fact dawned on me again yesterday, everything immediately felt better.

I'm watching Baby Jack discover his hands and fingers and learn that his two new teeth can *bite* and figure out that I don't actually disappear when we play peek-a-boo. He's young but already doing so many things that he couldn't do just a few weeks ago (roll over, get his paci back in his mouth the right way, take off his own hat so he can chew on the "apple stem") and I've been celebrating each little accomplishment. Yesterday was his first real "solid food" - the sweet potatoes were a huge hit!

So why exactly have I stopped doing that for Brooks!?

Since Christmas, Brooks is now exclusively wearing underwear while he's awake (we're still in pull-ups at naptime and bedtime) with very few accidents, dressing himself more, clearing his dishes from the table, hanging up his own coat, following three step instructions ("please go to the other room, find the burp cloth and bring it to me") and recognizing numbers on signs while we're driving. He's learning new things at an incredible pace, but I've been slower to pour on the praise, because I think my expectations have just been too high.

As my dear mother in law pointed out, Brooks has been speaking in complete paragraphs for so long, it's really not hard to imagine that he's older than he is. He's been talking about feelings, and apologizing when appropriate, and tuning into emotions around him, that at times it seems like he's years older than he is.

So I've been pushing him - to be consistently doing the things that I believe he's capable of. But just because he's done these things once, or a half dozen, or even twenty times, that doesn't mean he's fully mastered them - to get dressed by himself, to clip his own car seat buckles, to pick up his toys, to always know when he needs a toilet (and to give me 10 minutes warning!), the list goes on... All the while, he's watching me and Eric take care of every little need for Jack, feeding and diapering and dressing him, responding to each little gurgle, carrying him everywhere, giving him lots of cuddles every time he does something new or amazing or cute... Life is hard right now for Brooks, much harder than it was six months ago, and I've not been making it any easier.

We spent the past weekend in Nashville, and while it was a great visit with family, I felt very out of sorts with my parenting. When I asked my mom yesterday, "I'm pushing Brooks too hard, aren't it?", she agreed that I was. She also (kindly) pointed out that - OF COURSE - Brooks can't articulate that he feels jealous of the attention I'm giving Jack. All he can do is try to get my attention in other ways, either with "bad" behavior, or being loud, or being "needy" - demanding that I do things for him that I'm convinced he can do on his own. He just wants to be assured that he belongs, and that he still has a place in this family.

So, duh! It's just not right to expect him to perform perfectly every time - he's JUST THREE! (I can't manage perfection even in my mid-thirties!) But when I give him grace to keep trying, and view his mistakes as opportunities to learn, and lavish him with verbal affirmation when he succeeds, then not only is *he* happier, but I'm happier too!

This is basic stuff. I see that now on this side of the revelation. But it really changes everything. How I respond to both his good and bad behavior and - even more importantly - his attitude, how I plan our day (leave extra time for transitions and delays), how I speak my own words - to comfort and encourage and train, how I use my eyes and expressions to calm and nurture and bring humor to hard moments.

God, please give me clarity to remember this every single day. No guilt will eat me up over my mistakes - You've given me a brand new day to try again. I have so little time to pour into these boys. Grant me the grace and the patience and self-control to do it well, in every moment...


The eyes of these darling children look up to me to reflect back to them who they are and who they can become. I pray that I'm a loving and grace-filled mirror, so they believe the very best about themselves...

Introducing...

On Jack's five month birthday, I'd like to share him with the world...


Our second son was born August 27, 2009 - ten days after his due date, and weighed 9 pounds, 10 ounces at birth. He arrived at 10:08pm after about 18 hours of medication free labor - the birth story is long and I've promised myself that I'll write more specifics later, but suffice it to say right now, his birthday was an amazing blessing filled with one particularly specific answered prayer, a lot of incredible pain, and the perfect outcome - healthy baby and momma!

What a chunk! I include this picture because it proves he had rolls, even at birth. When he was placed on the scale, the nurse read out the metric weight and then made a mistake on the conversion. I heard her and sat there moments after the birth thinking "REALLY!? I just delivered a 10 and a half pound baby??!" oh no, just 9 pounds, 10 ounces!


After some additional excitement in the delivery room and a midnight pizza ordered into our postpartum room, Jack and I snuggled and slept all night with him tucked under my arm, smelling delicious! Introducing him to Brooks the next morning was one of the best moments of my life. Brooks could not have been more excited to meet his little brother.


Our growing family in Vandy hospital...


This pose, with his fist up by his face, was how he spent several months in the womb. All of our ultrasound pics of him have his little hand curled up next to his cheek and he slept in this same position for weeks after birth.


Coming home from the hospital to my parents' home was an incredible privilege. Having extended family there to help with Brooks and to love on me and Eric and the new baby made those first few weeks so much easier! Eric's parents came to Nashville the day after the birth to see all of us and stayed for several days of visiting and good baby cuddling time.


I love this picture of Jack sleeping in my mom's arms. This is peace.


Nashville had an incredibly mild summer, and the whole family got to enjoy naps on the back porch, including the new guy!


Jack even had his own spot right off of our guest room! Mom and Dad purged their cedar closet and made the room into a cozy little nursery for us.



Having the extra hands with meal prep and laundry, etc allowed all of us to enjoy more moments like this one... Brooks checking out his baby brother - what an incredible blessing!


My wonderful birth doula, Gaylea... she was just such a gift! If you're expecting and are considering hiring a doula, I urge you to do it! Her support was such a help to us, especially as we were trying for a low-intervention VBAC.


Jack had a very smooth transition to life out of the womb, with only a few truly sleepless nights, and only about 10 days of nursing challenges. Once he was past that hump, he continued gaining weight well and started sleeping... like a baby!


During all this time, our precious son still didn't have a name! It took us eight days after his birth to finalize his name, and oh my goodness, what a saga!! In the end it was the Vanderbilt vital records department representative who pushed us to make a decision - she informed us that we were holding up the delivery of all birth certificates of all the babies born in the month of August. We had to give her a name by 3pm or we'd face the logistics of legally naming the child on our own. Ok! ok!

John Frederic Wallace Wheeler - welcome to our world. We couldn't love you any more than we already do.