About half an hour ago, I paused with what I was doing and had this thought -
I'm actually trying to do four things at the exact same time right now.
I was switching out the laundry, making a pot of chili for supper, entertaining Brooks, and working on my computer (uploading videos to youtube, saving pictures to blogger, attempting to back up my 2007 photo files). While all of it was sort of getting done, I could only rate myself an A in the chili-making and laundry. Once I get those particular "plates spinning" they sort of do the work for me. The attention I was giving Brooks was not at all focused or engaged, and the computer work was just proving to be a frustration, as it really demanded more concentration than I was able to afford it. However, I didn't feel like I could stop doing any of those things so that I could to put my hand onto fewer projects. I was just like a racquetball, incessantly bouncing off of all four walls ...
Recently I had a conversation with a woman I greatly respect about this topic. She gently observed that it appeared that I'm typically trying to do at least three things at one time - reading email, playing with Brooks, talking on the phone, checking in with Eric, paying bills, catching up with people online, packing a suitcase (I'm always packing a suitcase), trying to have a "heart to heart" with whomever I'm with. How could I possibly be really present at any of those activities if I continue to do them all at once?
I felt very uncomfortable as I listened to and felt all the layers of her probing question. Uncomfortable in part, because I knew what she'd said was true. And in part, because I knew also what it's like to feel like your companion doesn't have time to slow down, to talk to you or hear you out... Or maybe it's not a matter of not having enough time - they just *won't*. I had a gnawing feeling in the brief conversation that I had been short-changing the important people in my life.
Even sitting down and writing this all out is an exercise in focus... The washer is now beeping to tell me that the wash cycle is done. I need to go hang the wet clothes up so that I can get another load started. The chili is now bubbling like mad, and I need to check it as I don't want it to stick and scorch. Plus, Brooks is finally napping - now's my best chance to scrub the bathroom!! Ack! All of it screams at me "now"!
But wait. No. There is a time for everything. Sit, SC. It's okay to just sit. Rest. Listen. Have "a cuppa' tea". Look out the window for a moment. Take a deep breath.
I am not required to push myself towards 100% efficiency. My days are made up of more than just "what I got done today". And I might actually enjoy all those daily moments in my life a lot more, if I'm not simply racing through them.
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4 comments:
Good posts today as always. Cuppa' tea? Please tell me that was that a Kinks reference.
Actually, over here in the motherland, people often speak of having a cuppa' though they often don't even bother to finish the sentence: eg. I'm going to go grab a cuppa'. - A cuppa what?!?
Well said, SC. Efficiency is good, but often other things are much better.
Have you been having conversations with Oprah? That would be pretty cool. She mentioned the other day (on her show, not to me in person) that no one can really multi-task and it just robs our lives of joy in the moment. Your post really resonated with me since I'm in that first year of stay-at-home momness and I'm trying to feel like I have a value to our family since I no longer bring home a paycheck. It's so hard not to fall into the trap that as soon as the baby is napping it's time to scrub something or sort something or wash something (or all the above). Keep us posted on how this evolves for you.
I know we've always been kindred spirits. This post so resonates with me, and I don't even have to trail after a toddler or dote on a husband! In fact, as I battle with changing eating habits to lose weight (again), someone recently noted "You're very good at doing more, but doing less isn't in your vocabulary."
hmm...
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